"Okay. First you mash up the avocado by hand, then you mix the onions, jalapeno, tomato and lime juice together in a food processor. Then you mix it with the avocado, and some sugar and sour cream. Mix it up real good. Then, and this is very important, you have to put the avocado pit into the bowl with the guacamole, otherwise it turns brown. Yes, I'm serious, it works..."
"If one more person says I look like Paul Reiser, I'm going to kill them like I killed Anna Nicole. Oh, shit. Was that out-loud?"
"So I saw this big juicy pimple on her back, and I said to her, 'Let me squeeze that pimple on your back.' So she sits down, and I'm squeezing the pimple, and the pus just squirts out of the damn thing, right in my eye. I swear to God it was the most disgusting thing..."
"Woah man. It's like, my hands are magnetically repellant. Like, even if I try pushing them together, I can't do it. Shit man, my hands will never touch each other again. How am I gonna clap dude? I'll have to slap myself on the knee like that guy with one arm. Woah, that guy was trippy man. He had these awesome mushrooms. Like, we went down into this box canyon, and it was like being inside a living thing. Like the rock was flesh. And then the one-armed guy turned into Jesus and I was like, 'Woah man, you're totally Jesus,' and he was like, 'I know. Groovy, huh?'"
"Okay. First you mash up the avocado by hand, then you mix the onions, jalapeno, tomato and lime juice together in a food processor. Then you mix it with the avocado, and some sugar and sour cream. Mix it up real good. Then, and this is very important, you have to put the avocado pit into the bowl with the guacamole, otherwise it turns brown. Yes, I'm serious, it works..." 
"If one more person says I look like Paul Reiser, I'm going to kill them like I killed Anna Nicole. Oh, shit. Was that out-loud?"
"So I saw this big juicy pimple on her back, and I said to her, 'Let me squeeze that pimple on your back.' So she sits down, and I'm squeezing the pimple, and the pus just squirts out of the damn thing, right in my eye. I swear to God it was the most disgusting thing..."
"Woah man. It's like, my hands are magnetically repellant. Like, even if I try pushing them together, I can't do it. Shit man, my hands will never touch each other again. How am I gonna clap dude? I'll have to slap myself on the knee like that guy with one arm. Woah, that guy was trippy man. He had these awesome mushrooms. Like, we went down into this box canyon, and it was like being inside a living thing. Like the rock was flesh. And then the one-armed guy turned into Jesus and I was like, 'Woah man, you're totally Jesus,' and he was like, 'I know. Groovy, huh?'"
