The unapologetically morbid among us have already asked the question: Which well-known substance-abusing female tabloid sensation will be next to take the Anna Nicole Smith route straight into oblivion? A few months ago, the best answer might have been Lindsay Lohan. She seemed truly out-of-control, emotionally battered, perhaps even suicidal. But since then Lindsay has hit rehab, sort of, and actually seems like she may be getting the message. So Lindsay's doomsday clock has been moved back a few ticks. Meanwhile, another famed media darling has taken her place at the top of the train-wreck heap - Britney Spears. Since dumping Federline, Britney has been on the fast-track to flame-out. Partying with Paris Hilton and flashing her goods, collapsing at a New Year's shindig, basically flushing her music career down the toilet - the last few months of Britney's life have been a single on-going binge of booze and sex and other irresponsible acts. Now, with Anna Nicole's sad end fresh in our minds, comes a report from Britney's most-recent boyfriend, Isaac Cohen, about the true depth of Britney's despair. And we can't help but see, in this tale of ex-teeny-bopper woe, the prelude to another booze-and-pharmaceutical-fueled tragedy.
Speaking to British tab News of The World, Isaac Cohen, who broke it off with Britney just days ago, tells of the music star's shaky mental state, her weird sexual proclivities and her apparent paranoia.
"[Britney] loves sex and is incredibly adventurous," says Cohen. "She was totally happy when we were locked in each other's arms. But once the sex stopped Britney was like a little girl lost, unable to cope. ... She would lie like a limp rag doll in my arms and and say, ‘Why can't everyone leave me alone?' and, ‘What have I done to deserve this?'"
And, says Cohen, she was like this pretty much from the beginning of their relationship:
"By the time I met Britney she was burnt out. She knew she had been drinking and partying as a way to try to banish the bad stuff from her life. Far from the trashy drunk, I saw a very shy, sweet girl who was just desperately sad about what had happened with her marriage."
That's what Britney's binging is all about, says Cohen - trying to get over her marriage. And, according to him, she is not even close to accomplishing this:
"It was clear she was not over her marriage. The first time she invited me to her home I saw her wedding dress hung on the wall in a glass box. ... As we made love that night it was like Kevin was in bed beside us. She had not even begun to move on with her life."
Um, right. But what about the kids, Isaac. She still cares about them right?
"Yes she enjoyed Jack Daniel's but she was trying not to get in the state she had been in with Paris. Her boys mean everything to her and she worried she might lose them in a custody battle."
So she's still thinking about the little nippers. Well, that's something at least. Maybe enough to keep her from going off the deep end entirely. Of course, having a new baby daughter apparently didn't help Anna Nicole much.
But back to you, Isaac. Any more incredibly uncomfortable personal info you'd like to relate? How about the time Britney checked herself into a health spa and you went with her?:
"She needed me to hold her and tell her what a beautiful girl she is. We would make slow love until the sun came up. ... She has an amazing body and I loved exploring every inch of it."
And the time you two spent a night in Vegas in a room with a rotating bed, mirrored ceiling and rooftop jacuzzi?:
"Britney is not shy about her body so she slowly stripped off her clothes and beckoned me to join her under the stars in the pool. ... It was an amazing view over the Las Vegas strip. But we didn't stay long as we wanted to try out the [rotating] bed. So we clambered on and I grabbed the remote and started it turning round and round. All the time as we made love we watched ourselves in the mirrored ceiling. It was amazing but we did it so many times it made us start to feel sick. We had to turn it off."
That'll do for now, Isaac. Oh, but there was one more thing - Britney's appearance. You know, sometimes she cleans herself up, and other times, um, yeah...
"Like any woman who has had two children she worried about her figure. As far as I was concerned she was gorgeous, but she had such low self esteem she sometimes would not listen. She would say, ‘Am I fat? Am I fat?' then spend hours dancing around the house trying to burn off calories. She was always jumping around. Other times, she got so low she didn't care what she looked like. She could not care less some days if she went out of the house without brushing her hair or checking to see if her outfit matched."
Yup, that sounds about right.
So, there you have it kids, straight from the horse's mouth - Britney Spears is a maniac. She keeps her wedding dress in a glass box, hanging from the wall, while having sex with other men. She's only happy while actually having sex, and is completely miserable the rest of the time. She has an almost paranoid fear of losing her kids, yet continues partying at places where there are photographers. And her self-esteem is so low that, sometimes, she doesn't bother brushing her hair. Amateur psychologists out there? What do you say? Manic-depressive? Borderline personality disorder? Just plain-old batshit nuts?
And how long will it be before Britney's checking into her own Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino? Will we soon be seeing breaking news coverage on CNN of Britney's nurse finding her butt-naked and unresponsive under a sheet? Will Wolf Blitzer be reporting, breathlessly, about the latest developments in the tragic death of another wayward blonde nitwit? Hopefully the answer is no. Hopefully, Britney will be able to hit the brakes before the cliff. Because the last thing the world needs is another day of wall-to-wall dead skank coverage, especially if Rita Cosby is in any way involved.
