Kid Rock Goes to Hospital for "Dehydration"

Kid Rock was forced to miss a performance in England due to stomach cramps and dehydration.

In other words, Kid was feeling slightly under the weather and like the little punk he is decided to screw his fans.

Tim Russert is room temperature but Kid Rock lives on. This is justice?

Kid Rock Hits On Janice Dickinson Cindy Crawford

Kid Rock apparently tried using his dirtbag charms on Cindy Crawford. Don't know if Kid managed to get in her pants or not. I'm hoping not, just for the sake of Cindy's health.

Cindy Crawford would have a great career ahead of her as the new Janice Dickinson if only she weren't such a god damn prude.

Cindy needs to know...when you're old and untalented and no one thinks you're hot anymore, the only way to get attention is to get drunk and throw your legs way up in the air on television. It's just reality.

Kid Rock Must Like Jail

Kid Rock went and got himself arrested again - this time for getting in a fight in a waffle house.

Kid and members of his entourage were enjoying themselves at an Atlanta restaurant early Sunday morning after a show when an unidentified male became angry at a woman who was with Kid. Fisticuffs ensued, after which Kid and his peeps hopped on their tour bus and made a beeline for the nearest freeway. The police caught up with the bus however, pulled it over and arrested Kid and his posse. Kid and the boys were charged with misdemeanor battery and released on bail. The other fellow was charged with a felony for smashing a window at the waffle house.

And no, smart-asses - the woman with Kid was not Pamela Anderson and the upset male was not Tommy Lee. Pam and Tommy may be low-rent, but they're not quite low-rent enough to get involved in a fight in an IHOP in Atlanta. Kid Rock on the other hand...

(source)

Kid Rock Warming Up His Fists

Pamela Anderson has gotten married for the third time in her filthy, disease-ridden life, this time to Paris Hilton sex-tape partner Rick Salomon. The "ceremony" took place last night at the Mirage Hotel in Vegas with such luminaries as Tobey Maguire and Lukas Haas looking on. One person not in attendance was Pam's ex Kid Rock, who recently accused Pam of faking a miscarriage in some weak attempt at laying a guilt trip on him after he blew her off to go see a basketball game. Rock also got in a fight with another Pam ex, Tommy Lee, at this year's VMAs. Somebody jealous?

If I were Rick Salomon, I would prepare myself to be confronted by Kid Rock - cause you know it's coming. Kid is obviously one of these deeply insecure guys who can't handle any challenge to his manhood - and in his warped mind, Pam still belongs to him, so whoever else is fucking her is immediately number one on his shit-list. It would be nice if Kid could just grow up and get over it, but that's not an option. Not when your penis is as tiny as his.

(source)

Kid Rock: Pam Never Had Miscarriage

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are perhaps the two dirtiest people on the face of the earth. When they were married for about ten minutes last year, they were the dirtiest married couple in recorded history. And apparently they were one of the unhappiest too. At least Pam was unhappy. Well, she was married to Kid Rock - what the hell did she expect? Bliss? Spiritual fulfillment?

It should've been no surprise to Pam to find out that Kid Rock was a selfish jerk-off who only cared about amusing himself. Still, in idiot fashion, Pam reacted violently when Kid allegedly blew her off to go see a basketball game. The exchange as recalled by Kid:

I'm like, "Baby, I got these tickets. I'll see you on the weekend..." and that leads into her saying, "You don't care about me, blah blah blah." ... She finally comes up with this: "I just had a miscarriage" ... and hangs the phone up.

Oh, that must've made him feel plenty guilty - finding out in the midst of his excitement over the basketball game that the woman he allegedly loved had just miscarried. Or maybe not. According to Kid, Pam was actually lying about the miscarriage. Kid describes what happened when he finally met up with her after the fight:

She's partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I'm thinking, 'That's a quick recovery from a miscarriage."

Well, you know Kid, Pam's pretty resilient. I mean, she's managed to go on partying and carrying on like a crazy person despite having hep. So a miscarriage to her was probably like no big thang. A couple happy-pills and Pam was back to being Pam.

Of course, Pam has a response to all of Kid's negative insinuations about her. Wrote the skank on her blog:

He's bitter. It's sad to see. I don't want to battle with him. I wish him the best. I'd hate to point out habits I had a hard time with. They are personal to him and that's why we are not together. These are desperate attempts. I've moved on.

You definitely have moved on Pam. To Rick Salomon, the man Paris was fucking in her infamous sex tape. And apparently you're marrying the man too. So, your STDs will get to mingle with his STDs. Shit - if you ever need money, all you'll have to do is rent yourself out to a scientist. They pay five-grand for each new kind of virus they discover in you, I've heard. Girl like you could put away a couple mil easy, never have to fake-act or wiggle your stupid fake boobs or engage in any other manner of fakery again.

(source)

Kid Rock Hits Tommy Lee, Then Runs Away Like The Pansy He Is

Dirtbags Kid Rock and Tommy Lee got into an altercation at last night's VMAs. According to accounts, Tommy was sitting at a table with another dirtbag, Diddy, when Kid came out of nowhere and punched him. The two Pam Anderson exes then grabbed each other around the throats - unfortunately, Kid fled the scene before killing Tommy or being killed himself. Tommy was then escorted out of the building by security:



That guy had to touch Tommy Lee? God, now he's got those creepy bugs that science has yet to categorize too. The ones that crawled from Pam Anderson's bush and down the long expanse of Tommy's prick - an epic journey recounted in the new Jean-Jacques Annaud film Five Years on Tommy Lee's Shaft.

The cops eventually caught up with Kid Rock and cited him for assault, but there was no arrest. No one was more blissfully happy at the sight of two white men fighting than the myriad hip-hop artists attending the VMAs. Said Diddy while presenting an award:

I was supposed to be doing this with Kid Rock, but you know, we got to stop the violence. It's not just hip-hop artists that fight.

Of course, had it been two black artists fighting, they both would've ended up being beaten senseless by the cops and dragged to the pokey. See? Crabbie knows how to suck up to minorities too. I'm just like Hillary Clinton!

(source)

Update: Kid Rock Accused Of Assault - No Charges Will Be Filed

Filthy music star and former Pam Anderson husband Kid Rock is under investigation for assault in Michigan. The alleged victim, a 28-year-old woman, says she and a male friend met Rock in a bar and were invited to return to the musician's home to listen to tunes and continue drinking. The woman says that when she tried to leave Rock became belligerent, grabbing her by the back of the neck and shoving her toward her car. Rock himself admits to having invited a man and woman to his home on the night in question, but in his version of events, the woman became obnoxious and threatened to accuse him of assault when he tried to throw her out. The woman's male friend corroborates her version of the story, while another witness backs Rock's. Says an Oakland County, Michigan police spokesman:

At this point, we have two people who say one thing and two other people that say something else. Once the investigation is completed, a report will be given to the Oakland County Prosecutor's Office.

Sounds like things have reached a stalemate there. So I guess that means Crabbie will have to jump in and clear things up. Not too hard, considering who we're dealing with. I mean, this Kid Rock character - I'm not exactly familiar with his music, but I do know a dirtbag when I see one. Now, the alleged victim probably isn't any prize herself - I mean, she did go home with Kid Rock after he met her in a bar - but that's kind of beside the point. Kid Rock is the dirtbag in question here, and I know exactly what should be done about him - he should be locked in a room with Sean Combs. And then snakes should be released into the room. And the high girlie screams should be recorded and released on iTunes.

(source)

Update: The Oakland County prosecutor's office has declined to press charges against Kid Rock, citing lack of evidence. Kid however is not letting the matter lie - he's looking into taking legal action against the woman who accused him. So it looks like ho was lying and Kid didn't do anything.

(source)

Crabbie Predicts: Relationship Edition

Almost Over: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's marriage is said to be "hanging on by a thread" after underwear model Amanda Wyatt's claims that she had sex with Urban while he and Kidman were engaged.

Prediction: Urban is back on the sauce again within two months (if he isn't already). Kidman gives Keith another chance just to show that she's human, then Keith gets caught screwing around with an exceptionally hot hat-check girl and an angry Nicole slaps a Steve Irwin mask on his face and pushes him into a pool filled with angry stingrays.

----

Over: Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have not been seen together since late October, and Kate no longer refers to Owen as her boyfriend.

Prediction: Kate has no trouble getting over Owen, makes two or three more crap movies no one sees, finally cuts her poor kid's hair and winds up married to a hot-looking cameraman. Meanwhile, Owen at last fulfills his destiny by leaping into a sweaty monkey-pile with Jake Gyllenhaal, Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong.

----

Over But One Half Won't Admit It: Ryan Phillippe is reportedly desperate to get Reese Witherspoon back, and has been calling the actress and telling her how much he loves her. Reese, meanwhile, has allegedly been getting cozy with Jake Gyllenhaal on the set of their new movie.

Prediction: Ryan Phillippe is arrested for stalking Reese Witherspoon. And Reese experiences crushing disappointment when she learns Jake Gyllenhaal would rather be in a sweaty monkey-pile with Matthew McConaughey, Lance Armstrong and perhaps Owen Wilson than with her.

----

Over But One Half Really Can't Let It Go: Kid Rock is having a hard time getting over Pamela Anderson. Over New Year's, an insanely jealous Kid broke into a hotel room meaning to beat up Tommy Lee, who has reportedly been hooking up with Pam again (videotape to come). The only problem? It wasn't Tommy's hotel room.

Prediction: Kid Rock finally realizes that Pamela isn't worth it, renounces his boozing, brawling lifestyle and becomes a Buddhist monk. Pamela and Tommy Lee have another torrid fling in the meantime, but it comes to an abrupt end when Pamela stands too close to a radiator and melts into a bubbling pink puddle (which doesn't stop Tommy from trying to fuck her one last time).

Crabbie's Radar: Snoop Dogg Arrested; Mel Gibson Rants; Madonna's Adoption to Be Challenged; Pam/Kid Break-Up News; Christina Gets Wasted

What's on Crabbie's Radar today?

1. Snoop Dogg Arrested

Snoop Dogg was arrested yesterday while leaving a taping of the Tonight Show. Cops reportedly found cocaine and marijuana in the rapper's vehicle, as well as a gun and a "secret compartment."

Snoop would have a nice, care-free life, if it weren't for all those damn laws against guns and drugs.

***

2. Mel Gibson Turns Tables, Criticizes Others

Wacked-out Jew-hater Mel Gibson says Hollywood makes too many sequels, and needs to have more faith in the intelligence of audiences.

Intelligence of audiences? I knew Mel was cut off from reality, but I didn't know he was that cut off.

***

3. Madonna's Adoption to Be Challenged

A judge in Malawi is allowing human rights groups to challenge Madonna's adoption of David Banda, and to assess her fitness as a mother.

Does hanging from a giant disco crucifix on a nightly basis help or hurt Madonna's case I wonder?

***

4. Pam's Partying to Blame for Split from Kid?

Friends of Kid Rock are coming to his defense over claims that his extreme reaction to Pam's appearance in Borat was the trigger for their divorce. They're saying the real reason the couple broke up was that Pam partied too much, leaving Kid home with the kids.

Dear Jesus. Kid Rock is allowed to be around children? What's wrong with this country?

***

5. Christina Likes the Drinky-Drinky

A report from Britain says Christina Aguilera rang up a 2000-pound bar bill the other night. In U.S. money, that's almost $4,000.

Reps for Aguilera, who was photographed after the party being carried to her room, claim the petite singer only sipped a few glasses of champagne and did one vodka shot, and it was the rest of the entourage who did the real drinking. And I suppose Christina only gives goodnight kisses on the cheek after first dates too.

Did Borat Break Up Pam and Kid?

That Borat - he's trouble all around. A menace to bigots, homophobes and fat masturbating guys everywhere. And he's not too good for superstar marriages either. At least he wasn't for Pam Anderson and Kid Rock's.

No, Borat did not steal Pam away from Kid. Fictional characters can't make off with other people's wives. They can, however, cause huge blow-ups during private screenings of movies. Especially when the person doing the blowing up has no sense of humor whatsoever.

Those who've seen Borat know that the fictional Kazakh journalist played by Sacha Baron Cohen is obsessed with Pam Anderson, and at the end of the film, tries to kidnap her from a book-signing. Well, this amusing bit of tomfoolery (which Pam participated in knowingly, unlike a lot of Borat's other co-stars) did not come across so hilarious to Kid Rock when the couple screened the film at Universal Studio chief Ron Meyer's house. In fact, Rock became incensed.

"Bob [Kid's real name is Bob Richie] started screaming at Pam," a Pam Anderson friend told Page 6, "saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing."

"Ever since that night, it has been icicles between them," the friend goes on. "Bob is just a very unhappy and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know, there are reasons why she never married him before. Those reasons disappeared while they were together on a boat in St. Tropez, but she knows now that they never went away. The reality is he is an insecure, angry man."

So Pam walked out on him. Well I say good for Pam. She doesn't have to put up with that crap.

And as far as Kid's temper-tantrum goes - I think we all know the real reason he got upset. Borat makes merciless fun of rednecks, and those are Kid's peeps. That scene at the rodeo, where Borat sings the Kazakh national anthem to the tune of the "Star Spangled Banner". That's just the kind of thing that would upset a "put a boot in their ass" patriotic hick like Rock. Let's face it - Pam is just too sophisticated for Kid. She's a flag-waving member of PETA, and he's the kind of person who scrapes up roadkill and fries it for supper. That thing never had a chance to work.

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock Are Kaput

It has not been a great year for dirty trailer-trash couples. First Britney and Federline called it quits, and now Baywatch android Pam Anderson and her disgusting liquor-swilling monkey of a husband Kid Rock have filed for divorce.

The road to romance and ultimate separation was a rocky one for Pam and Kid. The couple first began swapping bodily fluids back in early 2001, then got engaged in April of 2002 only to split up in June 2003. They got back together this summer in St. Tropez after a chance meeting and for some reason decided to get married. They held a ceremony on a yacht on July 29, then became legally wed in Beverly Hills on August 3. In Pam's divorce filing, it is stated that the couple separated on Nov. 21, while in Kid's it says Nov. 26. The couple cited "irreconcilable differences" as the cause of the split.

It should be noted that Pam was reported to have suffered a miscarriage a couple of weeks back. No word on whether this played into the break-up. My own gut feeling is that one day Pam and Kid just looked at each other and realized they could both do better. Now Kid can find himself a younger woman with breasts that don't leak, and Pam can find herself an actual human male.