Victoria Beckham has been told she needs to put on weight before going out on tour with the Spice Girls.
No, it's not that the other girls are jealous of her insanely slim frame - it's that tour organizers fear Poshy won't have sufficient stamina to last out the whole affair. Oh, who am I kidding - it's because the other girls are jealous. Especially that cow Mel B. And what's-her-face, the blonde one.
So now Poshy has to eat five meals a day, mostly spinach. What the fuck is that, the Popeye diet? "I pose to the finish, cause I eats me spinach, I'm Poshy the slag-gy bitch."
Seriously, how much stamina is Posh going to need anyway? Does prancing up and down a stage while fake-singing really take that much out of a person? Maybe it does if you weigh 65 pounds and your daily caloric intake is actually in the negative numbers. Posh is like, "Okay, I'll have the second pretzel, but scrape the little gobs of salt off first. I'm feeling fat."
This whole Spice Girls tour is just destined to be a disaster. I can't wait.
(source)
