I think Britney Spears may have deliberately committed herself to the task of usurping Lindsay Lohan as biggest train-wreck in celebland. I mean, she definitely out-did Lindsay for poon-flashage last year; and her well-documented New Year's collapse at least rivaled Lindsay in the area of medical crises (though Lindsay quickly out-did her by having her "appendix out"). Now, Britney has out-shone Linds in another critical area - making a mockery of alcohol treatment. And how did she do it? What could possibly be sillier than Lindsay checking into Wonderland and treating it like a college dorm? How about going into rehab one day and leaving the next? Yeah, that's exactly what Britney did. She entered Eric Clapton's Crossroads facility in Antigua, and left less than 24 hours later. Of course, none of Britney's people will confirm this - perhaps because Britney has no people left.
Two questions present themselves immediately: 1) What happened that made Britney suddenly decide to head to Antigua and check herself into rehab; and, 2) What happened at Crossroads that made Britney do such an abrupt 180? I have no idea, but that isn't going to stop me from speculating. First, question 1: Why check in now? Well, maybe Britney suddenly had an epiphany. You know, one of those moments of clarity we all experience. Maybe, for an instant, she realized what a mess she's making of herself, and decided to go into treatment. Could this abrupt realization have had anything to do with Isaac Cohen's interview with News of the World in which he detailed some of Britney's wacky, paranoid behavior I wonder? Or maybe she was sent off the deep end by Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline's chumminess. You know, seeing them together caused her to go on a bender, and she crashed at the end of it, and just said the hell with it, I'm going into rehab. Whatever the reason for her unexpected desire to get her stuff together, the attempt was an ill-fated one. Because Britney was in Antigua for less than a day. And what exactly caused her to change her mind so quickly? I have a theory about that too. I'm thinking Britney soured on the whole idea of rehab the second they informed her that she wasn't allowed to drink.
The bottom-line is this: Something happened that made Britney think she needed rehab. Then something happened that made her decide she didn't need it. She's obviously on an emotional roller coaster ride. And, as anyone who's been on that roller coaster can attest, that sucker never comes to a nice, gradual halt. That bad-boy tends to either hit a wall or go straight off the edge into the abyss.
