What the hell is JT-TV? Apparently, it's some kind of TV channel you get through your mobile phone. Verizon is doing it in conjunction with Justin Timberlake. Justin Timberlake TV. Hmm, that should be interesting...if by "interesting" you mean "soul-crushingly boring."
Of course, in typical Hollywood fashion, the launch of JT-TV meant a huge, extravagant party attended by lots of big stars. Like Justin himself, pictured above. What's the matter with your eyes there, Justin? Strain them trying to find your penis again?
Oh, look who showed up - Kevin Federline. So I guess he does still get invited places.
Timberlake and Federline share a very awkward embrace. Man, Justin does not want his picture taken with Federline. He's got that "I'd rather have my penis branded with a hot flaming poker" look in his eyes. I guess he wouldn't be interested in joining some kind of Men Who've Slept With Britney club then. Yeah, I know - big club. Not as big as the Women Who've Slept With Britney Club, however.
Speaking of men who've broken up with famous blonde sluts - hey, it's Kid Rock. Wow, he looks rough. For a second there I thought he was one of those fat old still-barely-living members of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Losing Pamela must've really busted this guy up. Damn you, Borat!
Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab, so I guess we'll just have to settle for Lindsay-lite, aka Michelle Trachtenberg. No, she's not as cute as Lindsay, nor as wild. But she does dress hideously, much like Lindsay. And she's also a completely vapid twit.
Speaking of vapid twits - yup, Paris. Ooh, she's acting really serious here. Cause Paris is a serious actress now, and she wants us all to know it. Come on Paris, do something goofy and dumb. You know you want to. Paris. Parrrisss. Come on Paris. Show us your goods, Paris. Paris...
Naomi Campbell keeps showing up everywhere. I thought she was off taking care of her anger issues. Guess those are cured now. Must be some spell that witch-doctor cast. Strong hoodoo.
A party's just not a party till Tara Reid shows up. And falls down.
The evening's entertainment - a transvestite Jessica Simpson impersonator. No, I'm kidding. It's Fergie. No self-respecting transvestite Jessica Simpson impersonator would be caught dead looking like that.
