Jessica Simpson Is Jealous - Again

Dirty preacher's daughter Jessica Simpson is jealous over the romance between ex-boyfriend John Mayer and his new squeeze, dog-faced Cameron Diaz. Jessica, we remember, was with Mayer for months before their relationship literally crumbled before our very eyes. It didn't take long for John to get back on the horse that threw him, but Jessica has remained single - and continues carrying a torch for John, according to her friends.

What, I ask, is the mysterious power of Mayer? Why is Jessica Simpson so smitten with him that, rather than use her tits charms to get a new man, she prefers wallowing in jealous misery, pining for him all the while? That must be some sweet man-meat John is sporting. Well, too bad for Jessica - cause he's shoving it in Cameron Diaz's various orifices now instead of hers. Oh, how happy those orifices must be too. How Jessica wishes those orifices were her orifices. But her orifices are hopelessly lonely - especially her favorite one, the one the poo-poo comes out of.

(source)