There's a new piece in the New York Observer about Lindsay Lohan's father Michael - mostly the usual stuff about how he's all about Jesus now and has left his criminal past behind him and crap. Pretty much unreadable drivel. However, there is one bit in the article that's pretty hysterical - this douche Michael has actually written and recorded a song dedicated to Lindsay, called "A Father's Love," and some of the lyrics have been reprinted. A sampling of lines from Michael's heartfelt ballad includes the following gem:
Woke up this morning, heard the words to your song/Never meant to hurt you, but know where I went wrong...
This is a response to Lindsay's own song "Confessions of a Broken Heart," which is about how sad she was when Michael abandoned the family. Crying yet? Here's more of Michael's classic:
Raised you to understand all the good in life, somehow I lost my way, should have taken my advice.
She should've taken your advice or you should've taken your own? And what was that advice actually, Mikey? Did it have something to do with always knowing the number of a good lawyer? Keep in mind that Michael is playing the CD he made of this shit in his car while driving the person doing the interview - and he's singing along with the crap at the same time. Yes, Michael Lohan is that narcissistic and self-absorbed.
There are a few other interesting things in the piece. One is that when Michael was in prison for DUI, the other inmates used to goad him by hanging up pictures of Lindsay on bulletin boards with words like "whore" scrawled on them. And according to Michael someone tried putting glass in his food too. Right. Because everyone else in prison was just consumed with him - just as we're all consumed with him now.
Unfortunately, there are idiots in this world who actually buy into this fucker's con-artist bullshit. Like Pastor Jimmy, the ninny who turned Michael on to Teen Challenge when he was in jail. Said Jimmy of Michael's re-birth:
What Mike is experiencing is what we call the transformation. [quotes bible] "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you might know the perfect and acceptable will of God." ... And the word "transformed" in Greek means metamorphosis, and that is what he is experiencing. The metamorphosis, where the caterpillar—who’s very limited—becomes a butterfly. It’s the heart and the nature. And that’s what born again really means: regeneration.
Would someone explain to me why, if there really were a God, he would bother revealing his "perfect and acceptable will" to people like Michael and Pastor Jimmy? Sorry Jim-Jim, but your Godly butt-buddy Michael is a grifter - he started out as a commodities trader, then got into pimping out his daughter; but those rackets both fell through so now he's trying out this religion thing for awhile. Michael can pretend to be holy all he wants, but he has a con-man's instincts and always will. Apparently, Pastor Jimbo, you are easily duped - probably because you're one of these Christly forgiving fucks with all their turning of the other cheek and various other chumpish tendencies. Michael's crawled up your pinched-off butt and made a nest there. Too bad for you. And too bad for Lindsay that she had to be raised by this shithead and that whorish lying mother of hers. But that's how the world works. Spreading a bunch of religious bullshit over it doesn't really hide the fact that it's a big fat fuck-over - it just makes the fuck-over smell even more like bullshit.
(source)
