Jubilant scientists are reporting today on the discovery of a previously-unknown land-mass off Hawaii. The island, nicknamed Big Pasty, was found unexpectedly during a whale-watching expedition. It was thought at first that Big Pasty was in fact a pair of Sperm whales engaged in coitus, but the discoverers soon realized the object was far too big for that. Closer inspection revealed that, indeed, the mysterious twin-domed mass was an uncharted hunk of land.
One discoverer confessed to being disturbed by the heretofore unseen object, saying, "It looked to me, for an instant, like a huge hairy Italian guy making out with a big Oriental broad. I nearly vomited. Then I saw the birds circling it, and the sense of scale really kicked in. Even so, I can't help shaking that initial impression of disgust. I fear I may have nightmares..."
