Congratulations Renee Zellweger - you are now officially my crazy Aunt Veronica. I can't wait till Thanksgiving, when you come over to the house and treat us to your annual drunken rant about everything that's wrong with the world and specifically your four ex-husbands - two of whose bodies have still not been found, by the way.
"I'll tell you what...if I had the whole thing to do over again, I never would've yelled at the stupid bastard that the ladder was shaking. 'Hey Herb. Ain't it a little windy to be cleaning out the gutters?' What the fuck was I thinking? I should've let the bastard go down. The whole god damn neighborhood would've come out and had a party. 'Hey Herb, looks like you got a little broken neck there. Want some potato salad?' Haa!"
