It was a busy day on the Anna Nicole Smith front. First off, the autopsy, conducted by Broward County medical examiner Dr. Joshua Perper aka Werner Von Braun. Predictably, it was inconclusive. Dr. Perper did say he was able to rule out physical injury as a cause of death, putting the kibosh on my "rhino broke through the window" theory. The coroner said he discovered "subtle findings" in Anna Nicole's heart and intestinal tract, which I guess means she had something wrong with her that no one else had spotted. There was also a bruise on her back from a previous fall (and "previous fall" in Anna Nicole's case covers a lot of ground). One important detail to come out was a "lack of findings" to indicate continual drug abuse. Um, didn't Dr. Perper ever watch Anna Nicole's show? Oh, right, Anna Nicole was just getting too much sun then. Forgot.
Second item, a police report saying no illegal drugs were found in Anna Nicole's room, only prescription medications. So did those have a hand in killing her? We need to wait for the toxicology report. According to Perper, no pills were found in her stomach.
Third item, from the What the Fuck Department: The husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor, one Prince Frederick Von Anhalt, picked today to reveal that he and not Howard Stern or Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole's orphaned daughter Dannielynn. According to Anhalt, Anna Nicole was with neither of the aforementioned babby dady candidates around the time of Dannielynn's conception, but he was. The relationship, Anhalt says, went back to the '90s, when Anna Nicole was still married to J. Howard Marshall. The late Ms. Smith, says Anhalt, approached him and Zsa Zsa at New York's Plaza Hotel. "She was a very big fan of Zsa Zsa and wanted to be like Zsa Zsa," Anhalt told AP. "She wanted to be a princess." And Anhalt was apparently more-than-willing to accommodate this wish, or at the very least, screw Anna Nicole for years. In the end, it was Zsa Zsa who put the brakes on the Anna Nicole as princess bit. Anhalt wanted to divorce Zsa Zsa to marry Smith, but Zsa Zsa wouldn't go along with it. So Anhalt suggested adopting Smith, but for whatever reason, that selfish old bitch Zsa Zsa refused to sign the papers.
You know you're in trouble when Zsa Zsa Gabor is the voice of reason.
