A man who was convicted of trying to extort money from Scientology's own Jesus Tom Cruise has been found dead in his Phoenix home of an "apparent suicide."
David Hans Schmidt, a publicist known for outrageous publicity-grabbing antics, was under house arrest after pleading guilty to stealing some of Tom's wedding photos and trying to use them to extort $1 million from the actor. Police became aware of a problem on Friday when the tracking device affixed to Schmidt showed he had not moved for a significant period of time. They went to Schmidt's home and found he had attained room temperature (or, in non-technical terms, dude was dead as fuck).
There is no proof of course that Tom was directly or indirectly involved in Schmidt's death, nor do authorities have any tangible reason to suspect foul play - but come on...the guy tries to blackmail Tom Cruise, then all of a sudden he's dead? Put two-and-two together here folks - Tom obviously had this guy murdered. He probably had something else on Tom that he was planning on coming out with once his sentence was up - maybe the long-awaited unequivocal proof that Tom is gay, or pictures of Katie Holmes conceiving Suri with Chris Klein. He had something anyway - something Tom didn't want the rest of us seeing. So Tom had him popped. And of course Tom's people are good - they made it look like a suicide. The Phoenix cops at least were fooled. But you can't fool Crabbie - Tom ordered this guy dead, and now he's dead. I bet the poor sod who farted at the moment of silence is quaking in his boots even more now, knowing what a twisted fucker he's up against.
(source)
