Friday, October 12, 2007

Newsflash: Michael Lohan Is A Scumbag


Some Long Island slag named Virginia Bertolino is running around bad-mouthing Michael Lohan, calling him a creep and all sorts of other stuff just because, four months into her relationship with him, she found out he was fucking another woman. The skank told Page 6:

I'm really hurt. I fell in love with this man. Then I find out he has someone else. ... We met in family court on June 25, and ever since we had been dating. We spent the Fourth of July on the beach near the Crescent Club in Bayville. It was very hot and heavy, and I saw him almost every day in the beginning. We fell in love - there was "I love you" and everything. He told me that he was going to change my life. He's very sexual, I thought we had great sex. Sex is very important with him.

Unfortunately, Michael was just recently photographed walking around Utah with his new girlfriend Erin. Virginia claims she was shocked when she saw the pictures. Said the brainless harlot:

My friends met him, my parents met him. I know his mother likes me, his sister likes me. What are they going to say now? When we first met, I knew he was Lindsay Lohan's dad and that was a little exciting, but I'm not a user. I'm a responsible woman in the community . . . What kind of game is he playing? I want the whole world to know about him.

Uh, Virginia dear...the whole world already knows about him. Apparently, the only one who didn't know about him was you - and now you've found out the hard way, haven't you? I mean seriously Virginia - you met him in family court. It never occurred to you, even for a second, that there might be a reason he was in family court fighting over visitation rights? Like, maybe it was because he was a two-timing scumbag lying louse fuckface? Oh, but you got bowled over by him - he was so deep and compassionate with all his God crap, and then of course there was the sex. For God's sake Virginia, are you just a complete idiot? Don't you know all the God stuff and pretending to be this righteous person is just a hustle? A way of gaining himself entree with naive fools like you who think he's being sincere? Have you no bullshit radar at all Virginia? Do you not know a filthy thieving scuzzy con-artist piece of shit when you see/smell one?

Apparently not. However, there is a silver lining - you now get to play the jilted lover, and brag about your tenuous connection to the famous Ms. Lindsay Lohan via your silly fling with her dirtbag father. Congrats Virginia. That ought to get you on TV - I'm thinking Tyra at least. Probably not Oprah though - she's a little too high-class for the likes of you.

(source)