It's a question that's sure to vex us for years to come: Is starlet Hilary Duff the illegitimate child of famed hotelier Leona "Queen of Mean" Helmsley? I was going to call up my favorite medium, Madame Cleopatra, and have her make contact with the spirit of Helmsley in hopes of gaining some insight into the situation. Then I was informed that Leona Helmsley is not in fact dead. You learn something every day.
By the way, you may be wondering where I got this outrageous idea from. Well, to tell the truth, I didn't really get it from anywhere. I was just looking at that picture of Hilary Duff, and suddenly it struck me that there was a teensy little resemblance to Helmsley (I admit that I had just poured myself not my first glass of Pinot Noir for the evening; oh, who am I trying to kid, I'm drinking it straight from the bottle).
This is the sort of thing that happens to the Crabster sometimes on a Sunday night.
It is Sunday isn't it?
God damn it, Hilary Duff. Why do you haunt me so, with your linebacker shoulders and wonky left nostril? And the scowl that's come to permanently take up residence on your freakishly broad face?
You are Leona Helmsley's daughter aren't you, you scamp?
