Bollywood hunk Abhishek Bachchan is getting ready to marry his sweetheart, Bollywood beauty Aishwarya Rai (who may or may not already be married to a tree). Apparently this is a cause for great celebration in India, where people have taken to the streets to dance and frolic and possibly burn Richard Gere in effigy. But not everyone in India is smiling at the impending Aish-Abhi nuptials. For one crazy broad named Jahnvi Kapoor, the wedding is a matter of terrific consternation - a fact she let Bachchan in on by driving up to his house and slashing her wrist, in full view of photographers.
Um, Jahnvi - I think you might be crazy hon. Of course, if you're a jilted lover of Bachchan's, then it makes perfect sense, right?
Oh, you were his lover? And he promised to marry you but reneged? You mean he'd rather get hitched to that gorgeous former beauty-queen Aishwarya Rai than your scraggly ass? What the hell's the matter with him anyway? You are one hot babe, Jahnvi. Seriously. Nothing says sexy like a chick with bugs in her hair, and big scars all up and down her arms. Just ask Brad Pitt.
I kid, Jahnvi. Actually, I'm quite concerned about you. You seem, well, crazy, and that makes me sort of sad. I think what you really need is a man - and not Abhishek, who's out of your league anyway. No, you need someone who can sympathize with you - who knows what it feels like to be jilted by someone beautiful and famous.
Hey, I've got it. The perfect person for you Jahnvi. Er, well, maybe not "person," but, since you're Indian, I don't think you'll mind (Aishwarya didn't)...
Apologies to Andy Warhol.
(source)
