Angelina Jolie's newly-adopted son Pax Thien was recently the target of a kidnap plot, Life & Style magazine is reporting. According to sources, young Pax was meant to be snatched just as he and Angelina were arriving in the U.S. from Vietnam, by an organization described as a "deadly gang" of "highly-skilled operatives with little regard for human life." Thankfully, British security sources learned about the scheme, which involved ransoming Pax off for $100 million, and alerted Angelina and non-husband Brad Pitt's bodyguards. Sources say that Angelina sobbed when Brad told her about the plot, and said she'd die if anything happened to Pax. Reps for Pitt are denying the story.
And what was that about Pax being better off with Angelina? Cripes, the little guy was safer with his heroin-addict mother. At least then he didn't have "highly-skilled operatives with little regard for human life" trying to abduct him. Actually, come to think of it, the poor guy already has been abducted hasn't he? I mean, considering the way Angelina skirted the law to get him in the first place, you could almost characterize the adoption as a kidnapping. And in a way, hasn't he already been ransomed? Brad and Angie did get a couple million bucks for his pictures didn't they? Couldn't it be said that Pax is being held hostage even as we speak? So what if Angelina bought him a Gameboy and a bunch of cookies to eat in front of drooling sad-faced little Shiloh - just cause you're nice to the victim doesn't mean you're not a kidnapper. Actually, being nice to them makes you worse, because you're fooling them into liking you. Soon Pax won't even remember his life before being abducted by Angelina - he'll think he was always this American kid with the cool toys and the snazzy clothes and the malnourished little white sister. Then Angelina's insidious re-programming scheme will be complete. The bitch.
(By the way, look at the kid in the picture up there, the one with the huge, misshapen, Perper-like cranium. Why the hell didn't Jolie adopt that kid? Oh, I know - cause he's funny-looking. Check out Maddox, Zahara and Pax - all pretty attractive kids. Yup, Angelina's definitely choosing them based on looks. Can't be seen lugging any monstrous little fiends around. Only future underwear models for Angelina. Miss Deep As A River 2007.)
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