This is Jessica Simpson last night at Winston's. Er - I don't really even have to say anything about this, do I? I mean, it's obvious what Jessica thinks: "My boobs are really big and my shirt is really tight, so I must look hot." Yeah Jess - you look great, hon. Your hair's really pretty like that, all...unkempt. And your face - that's such a great, natural-looking color for you. And those pants - nothing says "red-hot celeb" like emphasizing your midriff-bulge (complete with a big white button that looks like it could pop at any second, becoming a lethal projectile). Gosh, John Mayer is such a lucky guy. And that Nick Lachey must be so jealous, stuck up there in his Beverly Hills pad with his fugly-ass girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo. Yeah Jessica - you're way hotter than Vanessa. One look at this picture and Nick will probably dump that bitch and come crawling back to you on his hands and knees.
Oh, look - here comes the shortbus. Is that your ride Jessica?
