How big an asshole is Michael Lohan? Too big for the universe to contain. There are physicists in parallel dimensions right now who are actually detecting particles of Lohan's assholishness leaking into their universes. It's even gotten worse this week, with Michael and Dina hashing out their divorce settlement in a courtroom in Nassau County, New York. Here's what Michael said about the agreement:
Dina and I have put our best foot forward ... [We] have decided to put our differences aside and put the kids first.
Here's what I want to know: When is the ceremony taking place and how do I get a ticket? I want to be there to see the smile on Michael's face when the mayor of Bullshit City pins the medal to his chest. Honestly, this guy is unreal. He exploits and allegedly abuses Lindsay to the point where she becomes a drugged-out basket-case, then spends a whole summer fighting with his equally fiendish wife in court at the same time Lindsay, who now doesn't want anything to do with him, is melting down right in front of our very eyes. And then he has the gall to say he only cares about the kids and is finally putting the whole thing aside for them. Fuck you Michael. If you really wanted to do them a favor, you'd tie a rock to your leg and jump in the ocean. And make sure you've got a good grip on Dina when you do it. Actually, I take that back - the ocean is already polluted enough as it is. Just do it the easy way - drive out to the woods some place and pop yourself with a gun. No, that's bad too - your disgusting remains would destroy the ecosystem as they rotted. I know - mix up a big load of concrete and drown yourself in it. Then when the concrete hardens, it will contain your toxicity. Of course that concrete slab will then have to be placed in a deep underground shaft and encased in even more concrete and lead. And even then, I'm not entirely sure future generations will be safe from you. Better to just load the slab onto a rocket and shoot it into the sun. We'd better warn people to wear extra sunscreen the day the rocket reaches the sun though. The explosion as your revolting remains are vaporized could lead to a harmful burst of solar radiation.
(source)
