Jessica Simpson may be pregnant. Of course, any given fertile woman may be pregnant at any given moment, you just don't know until you know. But in Jessica's case, at least according to her friends, there is valid reason for speculation. This is because, in the eyes of those who worry about such things, Jessica's already-ample breasts have recently grown to well-nigh gargantuan proportions. The sort of thing that typically happens to women who are knocked-up. Also, these friends say that when they ask Jessica about being pregnant, she smiles. And this is seen as some indication that she is indeed with child. Because, if she had put on as much weight as she has lately, and you asked her if she was pregnant but she wasn't, she would probably not smile. She would probably get mad and perhaps fill her diaper.
This patchwork of guessing and surmise about the state of Jessica's womb leads us naturally to the subject of John Mayer. Can we, in fact, attach some significance to the fact that the two broke up, then seemed to hastily reunite? Did Jessica reveal some little bit of information to John that made him not want to be with her anymore? And did he then have a change of heart brought on - perhaps? - by Joe Simpson appearing at his house early in the morning brandishing a shotgun? It would not surprise me to soon hear news of Jessica and John's impending nuptials. I can just picture the scene - the church all decked out in flowers, Jessica in her flowing white gown, John in his tuxedo, Papa Joe with his .30-06. And Ashlee in the corner trying to glue her nose back on.
What a happy family they'll all make. The pervert and his two freakish daughters, and John Mayer announcing he's going on a seventeen-year world tour.
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