Perez is reporting exclusively that John Mayer and Jessica Simpson have ended their relationship. Says Perez's "well-placed" source (aka the voice in his own head):
They officially called it quits this past weekend. They'd been having problems for a while now and just decided it'd be better to end things.
I wonder what kind of problems they were having. Were they pooing-in-the-bed related? Or did Mayer finally get sick of the one-sided conversations? Or was it a little of each:
John: "I was reading Walter Isaacson's biography of Einstein. It's really interesting. Did you know Einstein was excluded from working on the Manhattan Project because the FBI wouldn't give him security clearance? It was because he'd endorsed so many radical groups. They considered him too much of a risk..."
Jessica: "Poop."
John: "What snookums?"
Jessica: "Poopy."
John: "Oh, god damn it. Not again. Fuck. The bathroom's like five steps away..."
Jessica: "Poopy..."
John: "Don't do it. God damn it don't you do it..."
Jessica: "Poopy on John's face. Funny!"
John: "You stupid fucking cunt..."
Jessica: "John mean. Jessica tell Papa Joe."
John: "I'm sorry snookums. I didn't mean to yell. It's just...it ain't cool when you shit in your hand and throw it at my face..."
Jessica: "John look funny. Poop on face."
John: "Yeah, I look like a shitfaced Al Jolson. Ha fucking ha..."
Looks like John and Jess are both back on the market. Too bad they couldn't make it work out. They were almost amusing, sometimes.
(source)
