Baywatch star David Hasselhoff has admitted that he's battling alcoholism - an announcement that comes as little surprise to the millions who've seen this widely-circulated video:
The voice on the video, by the way, belongs to Hasselhoff's 16-year-old daughter Taylor. But, should you think it strange that a teenager would be videotaping her own father in such a state of inebriation, realize that Hasselhoff actually told his daughter that, should he ever get that drunk, he wanted her to videotape him, so he could watch it later and "learn" from the experience.
And according to Hasselhoff, he has learned from the tape, and is now seeking help for his drinking problem. But that leaves the little matter of the tape itself, and how it ended up becoming public. Says Hasselhoff about that:
The tape was never meant to become public, but got into the hands of individuals who are not worthy of mentioning, who maliciously released the tape for their own self purpose. I hope that someone else will learn from the tape, as I have.
Well David, I can tell you, I have definitely learned from that tape. I have learned that you are even more ridiculous drunk than you are sober - which is quite a feat, given how absurd you normally are. And I've also learned something else - that your daughter Taylor has a future as a cinematographer. I tell you, she framed you in just the right way to emphasize the helplessness of your shit-faced state. Thirdly, David, I learned that you are not a health-food nut. I don't know exactly what the hell you're eating there David, but I know that, if I had pigs, I would not feed them that. And fourthly, dear Dave, I have learned that you're a lying sack of shit. All right - I didn't actually learn that from the tape; I learned it from reading your statement about how the tape got out. It fell into the hands of unscrupulous people who used it for their own "self-purposes" (Hasselhoff invents a new word)? Bullshit, David. You released that tape yourself. You're the dipshit with the shady "self-purposes." You're the poor hopeless sap who hasn't been getting any run lately, and figured a tape of you rolling around shirtless and drunk on the floor would be the perfect thing to get you some YouTube exposure. And guess what - it worked. Again, you David are a genius. That's why the Germans admire you so much. That, and the fact that all Germans are fucking wack-jobs.
(source)
