It's Thanksgiving - the day all Americans stop and give thanks for the good things they have in their lives. And fill their faces with food while people starve in other countries. But enough about the negative. Today's a day for being positive. And nobody has more reason for positivity than the rich and famous. They've got a lot to be thankful for, as Crabbie discovered when he sent out his annual What Do Stars Have to Be Thankful For Questionnaire (if this seems similar to a bit on Conan O'Brien, well, fuck him, he doesn't have it copyrighted). Here are just some of the answers Crabbie received:
Catherine Zeta-Jones: "I'm thankful for my health and my beautiful family. And for the fact that Michael is no longer able to stay awake past seven p.m., meaning I no longer have to endure his sweaty, groaning attempts at sex."
Woody Harrelson: "I'm thankful for the beautiful earth and the sky and the sea. And that I can still remember my name, Willy Haverson."
Wesley Snipes: "I'm thankful to be a proud black man. And that tax-cheats are no longer burned at the stake. Ha ha. Fuck you uncle Sam."
Paris Hilton: "I'm thankful that I am so hot, and everyone thinks I am so hot, and that there is so much hotness in the world, and that I am not a fatty like Nicole."
Wilmer Valderrama: "I am thankful for the wonderful gift of a penis. I love you penis."
Brad Pitt: "I'm thankful that Angelina hasn't stuck me with a shiv yet."
Heather Mills: "I am thankful to be loved. Because being loved is the most important thing in the world. Of course, having two legs is pretty good too. But that's not something I would know anything about anymore, is it? Fucking motorcycle."
Angelina Jolie: "I am thankful that God has endowed me with the power to help save children all over the world. And that I can now teleport myself anywhere in the solar system at will."
Katie Holmes: "I am thankful for my comb and my cat and my frills. Gosh, they're so neat. And Tom's so neat. And Suri's so neat. And did I mention my comb? I just love my comb."
Lindsay Lohan: "I am thankful for every day, because every day is a beautiful day, and you should just live every hour as if it were a beautiful day, and every week as if it were a beautiful couple of months, and every year as if it were a three day bender."
John Travolta: "I'm thankful for ham. And hamloaf. And hamhocks. And ham sandwiches. And ham-shakes. And ham suppositories."
Nicole Richie: "I'm thankful it's not windy today."
O.J. Simpson: "I'm thankful the bitch is dead. But I didn't kill her. If I had killed her, she would be even deader. But I didn't."
Tom Cruise: "I'm thankful no one knows I'm gay. Tee-hee-hee..."
