Swarthy Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria and Euro-trash basketballer Tony Parker have announced their engagement.Longoria broke the news first to her friend Ryan Seacrest in an early-morning phone call. Seacrest's high-pitched squeal of excitement was so powerful it shattered crystal five-hundred miles away.
***
On the flip-side of marriage news, Charlie Sheen and his estranged wife Denise Richards are officially divorced.So now when Charlie fucks hookers, it's no longer technically adultery.
***
Brain-dead model Anna Nicole Smith has been ordered to vacate her Bahamas home, several months after originally being evicted.I'm not actually sure I would want to live in a house Anna Nicole Smith had previously occupied. That booze-belch odor is hard to get out, and then there are all the bodies buried in the backyard.
***
Rotund actor Danny DeVito is taking lots of shit over his drunken appearance yesterday on ABC's The View.I don't know about you, but if I knew I was going to be facing Rosie O'Donnell in a few hours, I'd be pouring liquor down my throat like Shelley Winters at a wrap party (and that's a lot of drinking, folks).
