Madonna Out To Top Angelina

It's obviously developed into a battle of world-saving egomaniacs between Madonna and Angelina Jolie. For a long time, Angelina was clearly ahead in this rivalry - she kept adopting kids right and left, there was always a mysterious kidnapping plot, she had supportive Brad at her side instead of sour Guy Ritchie. But now Madonna has taken this trip to Malawi with adopted son David Banda, and the publicity she's been getting out of it has been enough to make even Angelina turn green with envy. Basically, the Malawians have begun treating Madonna like the thing she's always wanted to be - Jesus Christ with tits. What, you thought she was being ironic when she hung herself from the disco-cross in her shows? Fuck irony - that's how Madonna actually sees herself. In her mind she is Jesus - someone to be mindlessly idolized. The problem is that, in Europe and America, people are a tad fickle. Idols have a way of coming and going, especially when they get old. So what's a washed-up pop-icon to do? I don't know - head to Africa, where people are genuinely suffering, and spread some goodwill and cash around and gather a whole new flock of idolaters?

If it is in fact Madonna's plan to become the white Jesus-lady of Malawi, then it appears she is having success. Yesterday, Madonna traveled to the orphanage she snatched rescued David Banda from, so she could have a "private visit" with the children (and, reportedly, David's father Yohane). Security was told to keep reporters out of the orphanage. This news got to some secondary-school children from the area, who took it upon themselves to form a protective ring around the facility, and even hurl stones at photographers who got too close. So now Madonna essentially has her own army of child-bodyguards. Take that Angelina.

But now there's more. Yesterday, during that same orphanage visit, Madonna told the kids that she planned on taking over the facility, because the man who runs it now, Reverend Thompson Chipeta, is getting old. Yes, Madonna is going to be running the Home of Hope orphanage. Again, in your face Angelina. You may have adopted a little brood for yourself, but do you have a whole orphanage? And do the kids sing to you and chuck rocks at reporters for you? Madonna 1, Angelina 0.

Expect Angelina to announce some time in the next few days that she's purchased the entire nation of Vietnam and is planning on installing herself as dictator.

(source 1, source 2)