Hilary Duff is 19 now, which means it's high-time she started shedding that wholesome teeny-bopper Lizzie McGuire image and got down-and-dirty. Hey, what's this? She's already started? Yes she has, according to reports from Hyde the other evening.Hilary, in the company of her sister Haylie aka Seabiscuit, made quite a spectacle of herself at the nightspot, which has become widely associated with starlet antics thanks to Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. According to witnesses, Hilary was already half in the bag when she and Haylie arrived at the club. After consuming even more alcohol, Hilary is said to have staggered into the women's bathroom with Haylie and a gay male companion. Said an onlooker:
“It was kind of inappropriate. She was pretty drunk and staggering around the bathroom, bumping into people and shrieking that her gay male friend had a vagina so it was okay for him to be there.”
Um, one thing Hilary. A gay man with a vagina isn't a gay man. It's Kathy Griffin.
Sources say that, after the somewhat amusing incident in the restroom (which would've been much more interesting had it ended with Hilary snorting coke off Kathy's Griffin's ass), Hilary and Haylie and their older dates spent the rest of the evening whooping it up in the VIP section, smooching and sitting on each other's laps and basically acting like pigs.
All I can say is - go Hilary. Get wild, babe. Cause we need you right now. There's a huge gaping void in the drunken skank universe now that Lindsay is getting dried out (snicker). Your time is now, Hilary. Seize the day. Grab that brass ring and run with it, and then wear it in your nipple or labia or wherever you crazy girls wear rings nowadays.
This is my assignment for you, Hilary. I want at least two stories in the next two months that feature you running into something with your car, not wearing any underwear when you go out, or having sex with Brandon Davis. Whichever two of those you prefer (but don't forget to wear a condom with Davis; you really, really don't want what he has). And then, when you're done, you can check into rehab for a couple weeks. Might I suggest Wonderland? They have a great program there. You don't even have to show up half the time. It's perfect for someone who wants to create the appearance of getting sober while still basically living the same lifestyle as always.
Hop to it now, hon. Make me proud.
