The Oscar nominations have been announced, breathlessly, by numerous media outlets. The big story I guess is that Dreamgirls failed to be nominated for Best Picture. I personally haven't seen it. I'm not sure I could stomach two hours of Beyonce star-tripping. Anyway, here are the Best Picture nominees:
- Babel
- The Departed
- Letters From Iwo Jima
- Little Miss Sunshine
- The Queen
I have to say, this is about the crappiest list of Best Picture nominees in my lifetime. Babel is pure pretentious nonsense, like Crash except more artfully directed. The Departed is two hours of boring cops-and-robbers nonsense wrapped around ten minutes of Jack Nicholson being outrageous and funny. Letters From Iwo Jima I haven't seen and will never see (unless I feel a sudden hankering to watch Japanese people getting shot at). Little Miss Sunshine is cute and all, especially Steve Carrell being all scruffy and hollow-eyed and gay (boy, has Crabbie been there), but it's hardly Best Picture material. And The Queen I found disappointing, because I thought it was the life-story of Elton John, and it turned out to be a bunch of Helen Mirren sitting with her ass pinched really tight, and some guy playing Tony Blair as if he weren't a robot.
Now the Best Actor Nominees:
- Leonardo DiCaprio for Blood Diamond
- Ryan Gosling for Half Nelson
- Peter O'Toole for Venus
- Will Smith for The Pursuit of Happyness
- Forest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland
Haven't seen a single one of those movies. DiCaprio is clearly the sexiest of the bunch, though Gosling is no slouch (now if he would just get rid of that pink-haired bore McAdams). Will Smith would be okay if only he didn't come across like an enthusiastic phys-ed teacher in every role. Forest Whitaker could be entertaining if he wins, cause he nearly melted down giving his acceptance speech at the Golden Globes, and if he takes the Oscar he may have to be hauled away in a strait-jacket. And O'Toole - well, I loved O'Toole in Goodbye, Mr. Chips and Lawrence of Arabia, but come on. The man is older than dirt.
Best Actress:
- Penelope Cruz for Volver
- Judi Dench for Notes On a Scandal
- Helen Mirren for The Queen
- Meryl Streep for The Devil Wears Prada
- Kate Winslet for Little Children
How boring is this? Meryl Streep, Judi Dench and Helen Mirren. Ugh. And Kate Winslet. If that chick were any duller she'd be Rachel McAdams. The only halfway exciting name in the bunch is Penelope Cruz.
Supporting Actor:
- Alan Arkin for Little Miss Sunshine
- Jackie Earle Haley for Little Children
- Djimon Hounsou for Blood Diamond
- Eddie Murphy for Dreamgirls
- Mark Wahlberg for The Departed
I guess people will be saying Nicholson got screwed in this category. Whatever. He's an old weirdo. Alan Arkin basically plays a cliche foul-mouthed oldster in Sunshine, but he plays it well. Hounsou is always nice to see but honestly, I've never been impressed with his acting. Hopefully Marky Mark will show up for the ceremony in his underwear. Murphy is stale, and Jackie Earle Haley I actually thought was dead.
Best Supporting Actress:
- Adriana Barraza for Babel
- Cate Blanchett for Notes On a Scandal
- Abigail Breslin for Little Miss Sunshine
- Jennifer Hudson for Dreamgirls
- Rinko Kikuchi for Babel
The supporting actresses are much more interesting than the leads. Of course, Jennifer Hudson's nomination is marvelous, because we know it's making Beyonce tear the rest of her hair out. Rinko Kikuchi is almost guaranteed to wear something crazy to the red carpet, and make us all forget about Bjork. And then there's little Abigail Breslin who's likely to pee her pants at some point during the ceremony.
All-in-all, the Oscars are shaping up to be what they always are - a dull, miserable affair that Crabbie falls asleep halfway through.
