It's been a week since Lindsay Lohan checked herself into the Wonderland treatment facility in Laurel Canyon. So, presumably, it's been that long since she had her last drink of anything stronger than herbal tea or whatever they give you in places like that. A week without booze - that's the longest Lindsay's gone since she was thirteen (those were some wild slumber parties). How's the little scamp holding up you may wonder? According to her friends, she's doing well. "She's been sending text messages from rehab saying she's the happiest she's ever been," reported one of these friends. "She seems under control right now."
Gee, that's nice to hear. Must be a really terrific program they have there at Wonderland. Very strict too, I'll bet. No loose rules for Lindsay just cause she's a star. Those people are really dedicated to getting Lindsay well. They'd never, for example, let her out of the joint to go have lunch with her friends. Of course not. That would be counter-productive. Allowing her to hang around with the same people who've been influencing her in such a destructive direction in the first place. And exposing her to the stresses of being out amongst the ravenous paparazzi. What Lindsay needs is some time away from all that. A few weeks of complete seclusion. Not even any trips to her house. Just the treatment center, the nice folks there, the herbal remedies, the occasional colonic irrigation. Lindsay needs to get all of those toxins out of her system. And when she's ready, she'll be able to emerge, a new woman. No more craziness for Lindsay. She'll be walking the straight and narrow from now on. And she definitely won't be hanging out with people like Paris Hilton anymore. Or doing nutty things like selling her own removed organs. Not the new-and-improved Lindsay. She'll be practically a saint.
