The Lindsay Lohan going into rehab story is starting to become a Rashomon situation. There are about fifteen different versions of it and now Crabbie's head is starting to hurt from figuring out what to believe and what to dismiss. The newest addition features music producer Scott Storch, last seen agonizing over Britney's failure to show up for some sessions they had scheduled. Storch, according to Janet Charlton, was present at a wild party at the club Xenii last Saturday night, which featured allegedly feuding celebriskanks Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan engaging in alcohol-and-cocaine-fueled antics, including making out with each other (as if anyone would want to see that). Oh, and by the way, Brandon Davis was there (just in case Paris and Lindsay weren't gross enough on their own). Anyway, Storch, who holds out some bleak hope of building Lindsay's career as a recording artist, stepped into the middle of the revelry and put a stop to it. Then, a few days later, Storch supposedly told both Lohan and Davis that they should consider rehab (he apparently doesn't give a rip about Paris). Both agreed, but Davis bailed at the last second (which was good for the rehab center; the bill from laundering his sweat-soaked bedding would've probably bankrupted them).
There are a few things about this story. One: Why does Scott Storch care so much about the fate of Lindsay Lohan? Does he really believe she has that much potential as a recording artist? I heard her sing in that Prairie Home Companion movie, and she was okay, kind of cute and sweet the way she delivered the raunchy song, but come on - the way the music biz runs now, you could take almost any halfway decent looking chick with vocal cords and make her into a star. Why waste your time with a wash-out like Lohan? Seems like inviting frustration to me. Two: How does Brandon Davis manage to keep being injected into this story? First there was Perez Hilton's dubious assertion that Davis was the one responsible for encouraging Lohan to enter rehab. Now we hear Davis, the man responsible for "Firecrotch," was actually present at this crazy near-orgy featuring Lindsay and Paris. Is he stalking Lindsay? Does his outward scorn for her mask a deeply abiding love? Maybe Lindsay's wasting her time chasing guys like James Franco. Maybe the love of her life is right under her nose. Three: Why does it seem like Paris Hilton is always painted as the villain? She corrupted Britney Spears, turning her away from her recording career and transforming her into a total ho. Now she's been pegged as the one who helped push Lindsay over the edge. Any time some skanklet falls, Paris seems somehow involved. It wouldn't surprise me at all to learn that she's been slipping something to Nicole Richie that makes her puke up all her food. Or that she lent Jessica Simpson the lipstick with which she has turned herself into a freak. I'm starting to believe that Paris, and not Rachael Ray, may be the most evil individual on the face of the earth. I'm serious. We need an investigation. Somebody get Henry Waxman on the phone. There may be a link between Paris and Al-Qaeda. And I think we need to revisit the Saddam hanging tapes as well. Not only is Al-Sadr in those tapes, but I think Paris might be too.
OTHER LINDSAY NEWS
There's one more little tidbit about Lindsay I needed to pass on. It seems that Lindsay, for fear of it ending up on eBay somehow, is keeping her recently removed appendix in a freezer (very bottom of story). I only hope that Lindsay doesn't get really drunk some night and think the appendix is food, and pop it in the microwave and eat it.
