Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are the most exciting new couple in Hollywood - if your idea of exciting is watching a pair of visibly uncomfortable people walk in and out of places. If that's indeed what thrills you, then you should love this pic of them leaving Nobu in Miami the other night. Wow, that John Mayer, he sure can stick his hand in his pocket. And Jessica - what are those on her dress, hieroglyphs? That wacky Jessica and her ancient forms of writing. What a couple of nuts...
That's if you're into that sort of thing. However, if you're the kind of person who knows boring when you see it - well, Jessica and John are about as dull as they come. At least that's the impression they give. It's possible, I suppose, that in real life they're a couple of dynamos...
Uh, actually, they're not. At least not according to people who saw them dining together at Nobu. These witnesses told Page 6 that John and Jessica spent their entire meal not speaking to each other. Really? You mean they didn't have a weighty discussion about the most recent advances in particle physics? Jessica just sat there the whole time giving John "puppy-dog looks" and twisting her hair? And here I thought she was a great conversationalist. You know, the Dorothy Parker of her generation.
Actually, we don't require any eyewitness testimony to know Mayer and Simpson are both just as dull as dishwater. It's obvious from looking at them. Mayer the wannabe bluesman and Simpson the wannabe anything. Seriously, what are these two even doing together? Is Jessica so desperate for any kind of companionship that she'd really reduce herself to bearding for a gay guy like Mayer? And John - just embrace it, man. It's who you are. A homosexual wiener who wants to be Stevie Ray Vaughn.
And oh, of course, this was the night Jessica decided to show us this:
Um, Jess. We can see your boob hon. And frankly we're not impressed. Actually, we're a little mortified. Not just at the boob but you in general. Dang, you are starting to become a disturbing piece of work. And all this time I thought Aguliera was the freaky one.
