Paris Hilton is a Lying Twat

Here's one for you kiddies: Paris Hilton - yes, that Paris Hilton - claims she hasn't had sex in seven months.

Right. And I haven't eaten so much as a spoonful of Chunky Monkey in seven months. Who is this bitch trying to kid?

"I have been celibate for about six or seven months, I think," says Paris. "I would rather just make out and kiss someone instead of sex." Well, there's one honest thing about that statement - the fact that she can't remember exactly how long it's been. Things get hazy for Paris.

But seriously, she prefers just to make out instead of have sex? What is she? A nun?

And by the way, when she says "kiss," what does she really mean by that? Kissing on the lips or somewhere else? And what, I wonder, constitutes "sex" in Paris's mind. Vaginal penetration alone? Leaving open the possibility of other activities, like sucky-sucky and ass-to-mouth and some guy jacking off in her face while she sings Air Supply tunes?

And what about bestiality Paris? Does that count? I mean, okay - you haven't been fucked by a human in seven months. Maybe I can buy it. If, instead of humans, you've been getting your freak on with Secretariat's great-great-great-grandson.

You know what they say - once you've gone equine, you never go back (and you never walk straight again either).