This was going to be Federline's spot. Federline the would-be rapper, the guy so desperate to be in the limelight it seemed he'd show up anywhere, perform any inane stunt to get noticed. The guy who, when Britney dumped him, seemed on the fast-track to total obscurity (at last). But something happened on the way to sole Federline possession of the penultimate spot on the roll-call of losers - Britney started carrying on like Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan and Janice Dickinson all rolled into one. Britney, the gum-chomping, baby-dropping tart, the lovable nitwit, began making a cooch-baring spectacle of herself, out-trashing even the shameless Federline; out-trashing him to the point that, after awhile, it started looking like Federline may have been the classy one in that relationship after all. Britney's antics - hanging out with Paris Hilton, getting drunk, bouncing from one sleazy man to the next - were enough to cause a re-assessment of the loser-list. Did Federline truly deserve to reside alone in the runner-up position? Was not Britney at least as worthy of the dubious distinction as her erstwhile partner-in-tackiness? There was no choice, as Crabbie saw it, but to place Britney right alongside Federline, to pay homage to both of them, losers-in-arms, linked forever in infamy like Leopold and Loeb, Sacco and Vanzetti, Whitney and Bobby. So, congratulations to Britney for making it in just under the wire. And to Britney's cooch - thanks honey for all the extra traffic. Have a douche on me.
