Britney Spears' people have not given up on her career yet. I know this because I keep seeing pictures of her, and reading stories about her, that have clearly been sent out to the press in hopes of making us see Britney in a more positive way. Call it pro-Britney propaganda. Images and anecdotes meant to make us forget that the dumb sow has been acting like an out-of-control drunken nut-case for the last couple of months.
US Magazine would seem to be the primary outlet for the Make Britney Look Good blitz. Just yesterday, their website featured not one but two stories about what a wonderful, loving, adorable person our old Britney is. That's a rate of ass-kissing equaled only by Perez when he's in full Paris Hilton is the coolest chick on earth mode (which is pretty much every day).
Story number 1 actually came later in the day, but was the less egregious (in Crabbie's humble opinion). It featured the headline, "Britney Buys New Puppy." Here is the opening paragraph:
Britney Spears may not be in the market for a new man, but she did just purchase a new puppy. Us has learned exclusively that the Pop Princess may name her latest little pooch after another princess: "Snow White."
Isn't that just the cutest thing you ever read? Britney bought a puppy and she's going to name it Snow White. After the princess Snow White, or the substance she enjoys snorting so much? Honestly, this story just about made me puke. And the pictures of Britney holding onto the puppy while her man (whoever the hell he is) walks along carrying Sean Preston - is there a sharp object handy that I can jam into my own cerebrum?
Then there was the second story, which reached new heights of celebrity-slurping shamelessness. This piece, entitled "Britney Plays Robin Hood To Homeless Man," featured a "source" telling Us about Britney's random act of charity on behalf of some toothless indigent she happened upon in the street:
The 25-year-old pop star had just withdrawn a large amount of cash from an ATM on Wednesday, and was stopped at the L.A. intersection of La Cienega Boulevard and Third Street when a homeless man approached her vehicle.“Britney rolled down the window and handed the guy $300,” says the source. “She said, ‘Good luck and happy new year!’ The guy almost had a heart attack.”
Of course the guy almost had a heart attack. Britney breathed into his face. It's a miracle the poor old duffer lived.
Could anything be more transparent and weak than this? A completely fabricated story about what a caring, charitable person Britney is. And I don't necessarily mean to say it never happened - I believe Britney actually did take some money from an ATM and hand it to some homeless person. What I don't believe is that she did it spontaneously. And I don't believe it was an accident that someone happened to see this and give the story to US. The whole thing was a set up.
And what do these nitwits hope to gain by these ridiculously treacly photo-ops with puppies and staged acts of beneficence? People aren't actually stupid enough to see this shit and think, "Oh, Britney's so wonderful. I'm totally on her side now," are they? I would hope not.
No, I don't think even Britney's tremendously cynical publicists think this crap is going to win over the people who now hate Britney's guts. To me this is really more about hanging on to the people, however many of them there still are, who actually support Britney. It's a gesture on behalf of her remaining fans. "See?" they're saying to these poor misguided wretches, "Britney's still a sweet, loving, adorable girl. She digs puppies and helps homeless people. So don't listen to all those bad people who are saying she's a druggie slut. And remember, when Britney's new record comes out, we need you all to buy it. In fact, we need you to buy two."
Pathetic.
