No, Paris does not intend jamming a baby in her snatch (that we know of). Rather, Paris actually means to become impregnated, and have a baby come out the proper way.
And how did the idea of becoming a mother ever pop into the hollow, cobwebby space known as Paris's brain? Apparently it's all Britney's fault. According to Paris, being around Britney and her two little dinged-up bundles of joy has renewed her desire to procreate.
“It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” Paris tells Life & Style Weekly, adding, "I look after animals, so I'd have a lot to bring to my kids."
You look after animals. You mean like Tinkerbell? The psychotic little pooch that looks like it's always trying to get away from you? The very same dog you in fact lost at one point and had to offer a $5000 reward to get back? Is that what you call looking after animals?
Paris, let me talk to you for a second hon. Seriously. You need to think about this baby thing. I know, thinking hurts you, but just try it. I mean it Paris. Because having a baby, it's not like getting your bellybutton pierced or buying a new monkey. It's not just something you do on a whim. It's not another form of accessorizing. It's a responsibility. And Paris - you and responsibility...not exactly a peanut butter and jelly situation, you know what I mean?
And really Paris. Look at your pal Britney. Look at how flabby she is. That's what happens to you when you have kids. You go from being young and tight to, well, old and fat and full of stretch marks. And think about your nippers Paris. Do you really want some brat sucking on them? I mean, besides Travis Barker. Or whoever the hell has been sucking on them lately. No Paris. You don't. Being a MILF, it ain't so great. Especially in your twenties. At least wait until you're thirty. Or forty. Or better yet, wait forever. For your sake Paris, and for the poor people at Protective Services. Those folks have enough work Paris. They've got Britney to deal with.
