There are certain unwritten rules in the universe. If you walk your dog in the park you have to clean up their poop; if you break something you have to buy it; if you look Russell Crowe in the eye you immediately have to apologize. And, if you hang out in a busy club and need to use the bathroom, you have to limit your amount of time in said bathroom so more people can get inside and use it. A rule I think we can all get with. I mean, who wants to think of all those poor people standing out there holding their pee in, or dying to snort a line, or do whatever it is they're trying to get into the bathroom to do? Surely, only the most selfish and borderline sociopathic of us would occupy a restroom for say, twenty minutes, while a whole long queue of people waited outside getting more and more pissed off...
Selfish and borderline sociopathic. Sounds like someone we know. Yup. Lindsay. She's gone and gotten herself in a spot of trouble again. This time it was at Les Deux, one of those hot Hollywood nightspots. Seems Ms. Lohan, in a display of star-behavior that was literally uncomfortable for many in attendance, occupied a john for twenty minutes while numerous desperate people waited outside. The line-waiters got so enraged that they reportedly started kicking the door and shouting things like "bitch" and "slut" (words Lindsay's heard so many times that I doubt they even have any effect on her anymore). Of course, our little Lindsay, upon finally giving up the bathroom, was hardly apologetic - she was more like defiant. Lioness that she is, Lindsay stared down some of the door-kicking insult-hurlers, and said to them, "Which one of you said 'Fuck you?' That is just not OK." But rather than cower in the face of Lindsay's wrath, the irate mob laughed at her childish antics, which caused Lindsay's face to turn red. Then when the inevitable "Firecrotch" was shouted out, she became visibly upset, and stormed away saying, "Fuck you bitches."
Poor Lindsay - a victim of her own lack of social skills. But that's what happens when you have a mother who's a total dirtbag and a father who's in prison. The most amusing part, of course, was Lindsay's declaration that saying "Fuck you" to her was "just not OK." No Lindsay, hogging a bathroom while a bunch of people wait outside - that's not OK. You're not Marie Antoinette honey, you're some dim-bulb movie star (and calling you a movie star at this point is really kind of a stretch). So maybe, if you don't want to be laughed right out of places and called "Firecrotch" (bless you Brandon for the gift you bestowed), you should learn to play better with the other kids. But we know that's not going to happen, is it Lindsay? Because you have no one in your life to set that kind of example. You're doomed to become a sad, pathetic, reviled figure. Like Tara Reid but with a better boob-job.
